The Only Goal

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and thinking of it I’m filled with gratitude. I’ve had the pleasure of 39 birthdays now, and rather than feeling an impending sense of doom as 40 looms around the corner, I feel calm. Settled. 

Years ago, on my 20th birthday, I woke up feeling quite the opposite: dread sat in my belly like a stone. I was on the wrong path in life at the time, and passing through time into another year exacerbated the wrongness of it all in my mind. 

I was in a bad relationship. I was out of shape. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt stagnant and lost.

That day, I decided I didn’t want to be a person who dreaded birthdays. I wanted to set goals and go after them, so that each year when I reflected on my newfound seniority, I had achievements to count, and things to look forward to.

It’s a habit that has stuck with me since, and it has helped me create the life I’m living today: one where I feel abundant, satisfied, and proud of what I’ve accomplished. 

The only goal is growth. Evolution of the self, physically, mentally, emotionally. 

Rules about growth

It’s going to hurt

We shy away from personal evolution because we are creatures of habit. Our primitive brains love patterns, and evolving forces us to forge new pathways. This causes discomfort, and it hurts, so we try and seek comfort by staying the same. 

Unfortunately, staying the same has its own discomfort. There’s a pulling inside that draws us to explore ourselves and things outside of what we know. If we don’t follow that pull, it gnaws inside, and we’re left with two choices: change, or try and numb the pain with false pleasures like alcohol, food, etc.

So yes, I will always choose the pain of evolution: if it’s going to hurt anyway, it might as well drive me forward.

I will always choose the pain of evolution: if it’s going to hurt anyway, it might as well drive me forward.

It’s not linear

I’d love to say that the lessons I’ve learned over the years have never come back to bite me, but I’d be lying. Growth is anything but linear. We learn a lesson, and then inevitably fall back into our old patterns. Then the lesson comes up again. Then we fall back again. Over and over we go. I’ve been learning patience since I was old enough to understand how-many-days-til-Christmas, and I’ve learned it again and again through college, marriage, kids, business. We learn a lesson intellectually first, and then over again until it sinks into our patterns and habits. Expect to learn lessons by degrees of depth, rather than one at a time. 

It’s addictive

The best thing about evolution is that it shows you you’re capable of more. When you set a goal and move toward it, you notice that it’s actually not the goal itself that matters; it’s the person you become trying to achieve it. 

You become the person who can do the things. Once you realize that, the question is no longer, “what could I do?” But, “what couldn’t I do?” Knowing you’re the person who can do things is so empowering, you want to do more. 

As I close out 38 and move into 39, I reflect on the lessons of this past year and look ahead to the growth I want to achieve in this one. 

The only goal is growth.