Pressing on Pain Points to Grow

I’ve said before that growth is my only goal.

In my opinion, having the full human experience means that we immerse ourself in both the comforts and discomforts of life, and allow ourselves to really feel all the feelings we have (including the negative ones).

As kids, we’re obsessed with growing. We constantly look ahead to the time we’ll fit into Mum’s shoes, or cross the street alone, or get our first house key, or drive the car.

But then, once we achieve all of those things, complacency sets in: As adults we’re allowed to do what we want. And somehow… that takes much of the fun out of wanting, doesn’t it? 

Even though we stop physically growing when we reach adulthood (or by age 12 if you’re me), there is no reason to stop growth emotionally. In fact, there are many reasons for seeking growth opportunities. 

Still, our primitive brains, responsible for keeping us safe, think that any kind of change is dangerous and scary. “Stay in the cave!” says that part of the brain. “Don’t venture out! It’s a jungle out there!”

It is. It’s a jungle out there. Venturing out, changing things, growing, means we have so much opportunity to be criticized. We have so many opportunities to feel yucky and uncomfortable. We could fail! Almost certainly! It will be painful! It will cause us to second guess our worthiness!

….but so what?

Let’s face it. The cave is just as uncomfortable as the pain of change. It’s just a different kind of uncomfortable. You feel the pull to try something new, or learn something, or expand your mind somehow. Ignoring it settles in a funny way in your stomach. Continuing to ignore it leads to resentful feelings about your own inner voice, about time passing, getting older.

If there’s going to be pain anyway, why not reward yourself by levelling up and feeling pride after?

Here’s how I grow. Steal this method. It works.

Find a pain point. 

When you’re pulled in a direction, let’s say to take a class or assert yourself to your boss, it causes some discomfort. Zone in on that discomfort instead of dismissing it.

Point to the pain.

Literally. The discomfort you feel, it’s a real feeling. Point to it. Where do you feel it? Is it a prickle in your neck? A weight in your stomach? An ache, a throb, a heaviness? 

Press on the pain.

Our initial reaction to discomfort is to push it down or away, or distract ourselves from it. I’m saying don’t do that. Sit with the yuck feelings. Roll them around in your mind and body. Write about them or video journal about them. What happens is really cool: the pain diminishes when we describe it. It’s like turning on the lights and the monsters under the bed disappear.

Step up.

Once we’ve outed the uncomfortable feelings, we can step out of the cave and level up. We’ve rolled through the ‘what-ifs’, we’ve pictured the worst. We understand that discomfort is just a feeling. It won’t last long. And it will make us feel amazing in the end.

You got this.