It’s surprising how many clients have expressed guilt for coming to therapy because they shouldn’t…
Forgive and forget. Easy to say, not always so easy to do. What are we supposed to do about the “unforgiveable”?
Many of us carry the heavy burden of resentment, hurt, outrage, and/or disappointment for what others have or haven’t done in the past. The transgressions are so big that the perpetrators don’t deserve to be forgiven unless they make it right. These are completely understandable feelings, but there’s a fatal flaw to this approach. It leaves the power over our own state of mind in the perpetrators’ hands. Is that really what we want? It’s like taking poison and hoping it will make someone else sick.
So how do we take back control?
Perhaps the English language needs a better word. In these cases, forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened, letting people off the hook, or making ourselves vulnerable to re-injury. It’s about releasing the emotional charges around the events and reclaiming the power to manage our own emotional states.
This not only frees us from others’ control, it allows us to re-examine with clear eyes the conclusions we’ve drawn from these experiences. Re-assessing the all-or-nothing thinking process which is such a common result from traumatic experiences. For some, a change of perspective is all that is needed to begin to shed the weight of these feelings, and everything they’ve attached to them. For others, therapy may be the best option. Whichever option you may decide upon, know that the tools and resources to help you through it are available to you.
For additional support and to explore the healing power of Emotional Freedom Techniques and related therapies, contact me, David Gilbert, Integrative Therapist. I can be reached directly by phone/txt @ 613-981-9006, or email David@David-Gilbert.com . You may also book with me online here.
Be kind to yourselves.