April 16, 2015

Mel’s Meandering Massage Mind: Let it go – not the Frozen version

Pain – everyone gets it; and no one is left unscathed by its wrath.

I’ve been thinking a lot about pain in the last few weeks, so it’s fitting that Jen asked me to write about it and that the theme of this month is Letting Go.

In the last little while, I’ve made some changes that have affected my life drastically. Granted, the changes were for the better, but that doesn’t mean that letting go of my safe-holds was any less difficult.

When I wake up in the morning, I put on a suit of armour. I think this armour is going to protect me from the pain that I might endure throughout the day, but in fact, I am actually putting on a suit of armour that is made of pain. Every time something hurts me, the armour builds thicker and thicker around my heart.

The thing about adding thickness to this armour is that the extra material has to come from somewhere; so I take pieces out of other places to make that one spot stronger. In the end, my armour is heavy and lopsided in one area, but I’m completely vulnerable on another. At some point, I am going to grow too weak, fall, and break down when this weakness is exposed.

That breaking point came not too long ago on a massage table. I broke down. The massage was not at all painful, but it left me a shattered broken shell of a woman. I didn’t even know that I was on the verge of breaking. I didn’t know that I had so many pent up emotions. For the two hours post-massage, I had fits of hysteria and more emotional breakdowns (when it rains, it pours right?). It took all I had to gather myself and continue with my day.

Fast forward a couple of months. I was doing really well. I was sure that emotional breakdown wasn’t going to happen again.

I got it out, right?

I was looking inward at myself and dealing with the little things every day, so I was good, right? Nope. I was wrong. My last Grandparent passed away, and sent me in a month-long spiral from which I couldn’t escape.

So, after a month of feeling like garbage, I decided that it was time to turn things around. I have never really believed in energy work, but I was desperate and I decided to try it with Jen’s help. She helped me realize that I can let things go. I can accept them, process them, wish them well and just let go. The world isn’t going to end, a reign of terror isn’t going to come crashing down on me: I will be okay. I may feel a little wonky for a while because I am finally standing up straight again, but I am standing.

I’ve decided to throw my suit of armour away…you can see it…it’s at the end of my drive way waiting to be picked up by the garbage men. Anyone want to join me?

Melissa Beals is an RMT with Whole Therapy. Melissa works extensively with athletes of all levels with a goal in mind to increase their athletic performance through education and understanding of their bodies. See more about Melissa here.